This isn't what I had in mind.

Such a strange feeling. I am in this life, at this time in history, with this society, and I am supposed to be within it all, even as I become more and more aware of the distaste I have for it all.

Of course, a large part of this distaste comes from my haunting. I have always felt haunted, and as the veil has been pulled back some, this makes sense. But I seem to have a problem with the order of operations, if you will. In my mind, I want to become clean first, then go about making choices of what life I want to live. Making choices while unclean seems to me to guarantee that the choices will be tainted in some way.

I have within me a force, a force that wants a release, maybe even demands it. It seems to have been ever-present. Like encapsulated molten…

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