Strong mind, strong heart

the fighter still remains

Sometimes I truly wish I was the bitch that people think I am. I wish that I could hate and that I could blame others for their wrongdoings. I wish that I could take back words that I have said in anger but I can’t. I can look back on all the relationships I’ve had through the years and while I KNOW that there was fault to be given to the others in the relationships, the ones that I focus on are my own. I should have tried harder, I shouldn’t have pushed so hard, I should have listened to my instincts, I should have changed, I should have helped them more, I should have SAVED them, I should have protected them, I should have done SOMETHING, anything, so that they didn’t leave me.

And therein lies the horribleness of me. Blame it on my mental illness, blame it on…

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